Art is one of your outlets, right? It’s more therapeutic for me. It’s another way to get into that place that you get with exercise or snowboarding or skating, when you’re really focused. You can’t think, your brain just goes to nothing, you’re kind of floating and time just flies. That’s why I really like painting because I can get there with it. It’s more meditative and therapeutic than anything else. Would you say the same about playing music? Music is the same. There are days I’ll want to pick up the guitar to get to the place of quiet, but it’s just not working. Then I get frustrated and try something else and sometimes that doesn’t work, so typically I just go down the list of things I try when I’m having a day like that. But, those days come less and less often as I get older. Maybe because I’m more content. It requires real presence of mind, which seems harder and harder to achieve these days. There’s so much shit going on, my brain goes nuts sometimes. At this point in my life, I’ve found enough ways to quiet my mind or control my thoughts. I can get a peaceful state of mind going and then sit in that state for as long as I can. Sometimes it’s easier than others; some-times you can’t even get there. And with painting you’re dredging up feelings. It’s an active way of going in. Not only that, you’re going to dig those feelings up and put them on the canvas in front of you. And the more that canvas starts to look like how you feel, the more you feel like you’re really getting somewhere. It’s almost like getting to know yourself. You’re clearly deliberate with your thoughts and actions. Have you always been this way? Well, it’s not like I’m aware of how I’m feeling at all times, you know? Sometimes I get caught in a fit or whatever, and it sucks. I just try and catch it when it happens and bring myself back. There was a big turning point when I had to be put on some meds. I hated it and pretty much wanted to die. So, I made a decision to get off that shit. I had to take a huge look at myself and be like, “All right, now it’s on you. If you can’t control it, no one can.” It just requires extreme attention to detail within myself. To be able to be aware of how I’m feeling at all times is very important, so I guess that was probably the point when I started really paying a lot more attention to how I feel at any given point, you know? There’s not much more to say without going extremely in depth, without writing an entire book. So, what I will say is: I think most diagnoses are complete bullshit and not everyone is the same. You shouldn’t call every kid ADD because they’re a little antsy. There’s a deeper thing there; you’re not getting to the root of whatever it is. I think America is heavily overdiagnosed and it’s mostly due to medical companies and shitty doctors just looking out for number one. It’s a selfish kind of world we live in. It’s sad, but it’s a reality. My girlfriend just got diagnosed with cancer and we’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot lately, and even there I can see it in small ways. We’ll meet with a doctor who’ll tell her she needs one thing. Then we’ll visit a cool doctor and he’ll say, “Actually, that’s the new one that they have all the marketing behind, so all the doctors are trying to push it because they get incentive.” ABOVE “A blind drawing I did of my friend Jeff while sitting in a meeting at Gnarly Clothes. I like to do these a lot. Some develop further, but I like this one just the way it is. It’s fun to see how much emotion you can capture quickly without looking—looking is OK too, but speed is important in capturing the essence or motion of something. I like to do these while watching movies too. This one reminds me of having other people in your head.” Art: Keegan Valaika RIGHT Untitled, 2017 “I thought about everything and nothing while painting this. It took a while, and a lot of messed up things were going on in America at the time. I think it was my way of getting it all out there in front of me and coming to some sort of resolve. ‘This too shall pass’ is the feeling I get—weathering the storm.” Art: Keegan Valaika Can you talk about what it took to get yourself off medication? Is that where you’re at now? I read a lot. I’ve always been really into Kurt Vonnegut and I somehow stumbled across his son. His son went through something similar to what I went through. His name is Mark Vonnegut and he wrote a book called The Eden Express: A Memoir of Insanity . It’s about his journey through, you know, talking to aliens and shit, and com-ing out the other side. When I decided I had to get off the meds, I thought, “This might not work, but, fuck it, because I can’t live this way anymore.” And I was able to do it. Suddenly, I felt like I had all this energy again. I could skate. I wasn’t three steps behind my body anymore. Every-thing was coordinating and listening to my brain again. It was eu-phoric. And now I just have to do my best to be aware of my moods. 058 THE SNOWBOARDER’S JOURNAL
The Snowboarder's Journal frequency 15.4: Page 58
