The Snowboarder's Journal - The Snowboarder's Journal 20.3
KIND OF LIKE CLOUDS
Words: Ben Shanks Kindlon 2022-11-30 08:15:23
“Mary Rand takes the plunge on a classic chute in the Mt. Baker Ski Area, WA backcountry. When conditions are right, it’s a first run of the day kind of line, and this day was no exception.” Photo: Colin Wiseman
Let’s face it—you rip. Probably a lot harder than you think. But it’s hard to board your best when your when your mind messes with your intuition.
You’re not alone. Each of us harbors a critical inner voice, that little doubt-seeding, paranoia-driving, stress-addicted brat that’s infiltrated your big, beautiful brain. It’s not truly you; not your truest you. It’s more like a supercomputer-powered defense mechanism that’s shapeshifted slyly into self-defeating thoughts that become indiscernible from your own. Upon getting nice and cozied up in your cranium, the critical inner voice takes control of your consciousness, operating under the false pretense of trying to protect you while really doing nothing more than holding you back. In snowboarding it generally shows itself in the form of getting psyched out, and we all know what happens when you hesitate just before the jump.
Various events led me to challenge my own critical inner voice last year. Slowing down and learning to detach feelings from thoughts was the most integral step. Rather than latching onto every emotion my brain instantly assigned to any passing ideas—intrusive or otherwise—I tried my best to simply watch them come and go, kind of like clouds. That’s when I noticed how many of them seemed so damn stormy.
Admittedly, by the time I was able to identify it, my critical inner voice had been loudening slowly for so long that I could hardly pick its parts away from my true self’s sentiments. I realized I’d been giving myself a needlessly hard time about different aspects of my life and my snowboarding. Self-doubt manifested in my actions, whether it be choking on an overdue article, investing time into people and things that weren’t worth mine or simply speed-checking too often, when all I really needed to do was trust myself and point it.
Over the years, that gunk of negativity culminated, bringing about more than a few failures. For me, catching that critical tiger by its loathsome little toe began off the mountain. Walking down the street one day, I noticed the critic killing my vibe. Rather than striking back, I fought fire with water. My critical inner voice was looking for a fight. Instead, I tickled it. We both laughed together. And this peculiar practice sparked some seriously profound benefits for my boarding.
Despite a solid snowpack where I was stationed in Washington’s North Cascades last February, I hadn’t been riding all that much. Nevertheless, when I strapped in on an average day at Mt. Baker Ski Area, I was instantaneously better than before. Well, sort of. I really was riding faster, turning sharper and airing farther than usual. I worried less and trusted myself more. I could literally hear me encouraging myself, with lines like, “You got this” ringing in my head. It truly was a trip to find those positive feelings fueling such immediate progress, improving my game more in a half-dozen runs of unfiltered fun than I could through countless hours of frustrated hiking and beating myself up to land a few tricks.
More connected with my mind and body and board and the mountain and its music than ever before, I really started to amaze myself—both my true self and its all-too-often nagging but impossible-to-get-rid-of passenger. Considering snowboarding was already the cloud nine escape before curtailing my inner critic, my joy about being back on board and fully at the helm brought the whole experience well past 11. I entered flow state, and that shit’s gas.
Day after day, any human’s effort to contain their critical voice, or to even be able to consistently recognize it as such, can prove to be a near-constant climb. Those critical inner voices are strong. But hey, we are too. Stress the positives and try to tilt the focus back to fun. Because if there’s one thing snowboarding should always be, it’s fun. Life away from the mountain should be bathed in a positive light as well.
And all things being relative, let’s face it—we rip. At least a whole hell of lot a harder than we’ve been giving ourselves credit for. No matter the weather, let’s live like it.
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KIND OF LIKE CLOUDS
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